As a mom, these are questions are in my daily conversations:
Can I have some ice cream?
This is itchy, can I change?
Are we there yet?
I’m tired. Can I stop?
I want to watch my show!??
Peppa????
As a result, these answers are also part of my daily vocab:
WAIT.
NOT NOW.
Please be patient.
Maybe later.
Hang ON!
I was pretty cute kid. I can’t imagine I would have complained, ever.
However, growing up as a 2nd generation Japanese-American… what I heard ALL the time, and pretty much any Japanese kid would— was the word, gaman.
What is Gaman?
There is actually no direct English translation for the word.
Gaman is more than a behavior-- it is a concept that is deeply rooted in the Japanese culture. …and I think this article does a pretty good job defining it.
“Simply put, it’s the idea that individuals should show patience and perseverance when facing unexpected or difficult situations, and by doing so maintain harmonious social ties. ”
So as a kid, rather than "no", "wait" or "not now"… I was taught to “gaman”. I was taught to endure, to be patient-- because the expectation is EVERYONE-- lives by this principal.
For sure, gaman has two sides.
Personally it taught me the value of endurance and self-sufficiency.
Rather than focusing on demonstrating patience— it was a reminder that even as a kid— it was not just the expectation, but also my RESPONSIBILITY as a part of this big world.
If you’re thinking , “Jean— shit, that sounds pretty heavy”. Yes, it can be.
On the flip side, it learned to tamp down my feelings. Sad? Angry? Just stuff it inside. Not the most helpful for safeguarding mental health.
In some ways, it rendered me unable to ask for help, and frankly, drove myself nuts when I could have (and probably should have) waved the white flag of surrender much earlier.
So you are wondering— why… on the eve of the eve of the 4th — am I writing about gaman?
It’s because I am witnessing this country, my country— among other things, have a giant pissing match about mask wearing or not mask wearing.
The right to belly up to the bar and have a beer with 100 of your closest friends.
The right to have a rally and not socially distance.
The right to go to a massive fireworks show. A concert. The pool.
As you know, I could go on. But I won’t.
Instead, I’m gonna put this out there:
United States: 127,000+ deaths. 388 deaths per one million people
Japan: 974 deaths. 7.7 deaths per one million people
Do Japanese people wear more masks? Generally, yes.
Do they have a super secret way of washing hands? Doubt it.
Does Japan have a backup stash of Clorox wipes we don’t know about? I don’t think so.
Do they distance better than we do? In Tokyo— no way, it’s virtually impossible. See below.
I think the difference… is GAMAN.
It is social responsibility at its finest, and it has saved lives. They have done what needs to be done to control covid.
So while the concept gaman is uniquely Japanese, I think we can harness the power of it in our own way.
As we head into this 4th of July weekend, let's be patriots.
Patriots with gaman!
Patriotism in its simplest form, is to love one's country. And I’ll extend this by virtue of its definition, its people. I’m hoping that is not a big reach for us.
Let's protect one another … wear your mask, break out your soap & sanitizer and celebrate this weekend safely.
Get your gaman on so we can kick this thing. (instead of getting our asses kicked)
Wishing you all a safe and peaceful holiday,
Jean
PS: Up your mask game. It’s more fun that way :)
