Couple years ago, I got into a disagreement with a colleague who worked in another function. I was leading a significant project and he was a key stakeholder — and we saw things differently.

In a previous meeting, this colleague had put me on edge, so suffice it to say, I was not at my best self from the very start of the follow up meeting. Keyed up.

I was intimidated, and struggled to make my arguments, even though I knew I was correct. At one point, this colleague, 20 years my senior, said to me, “what if I called your boss about this, what would he have to say?“ (At the time my boss was the CHRO of the company.)

Unflinchingly, I paused and responded, “Yes, we should do that— why don’t you go ahead, call him, and explain our positions. I’m sure he’d love to break the stalemate. “

All of the sudden, I was back in business.

I wanted to use the real Clint here, but most had guns pointing and that seemed a little TOO extra from my blog.

I responded that way because I knew he would never do it. He should have been able to be the voice of reason, he should have been able to employ his decades of influencing skills, and instead he threatened tattletale instead of working it out. He looked silly … surely, with all of those years of experience, he would be able to resolve some thing with somebody junior to him.

We moved on; the issue got resolved.

The week after, this intense, and unusual election cycle… I started to think about the subject of relevance, and how it relates to power and ego. Specifically, when you start to gain it, when you use it, and when you start to lose it.

Once upon a time, we were all at some point— the.next.big.thing. The up and comer. The whippersnapper. (did I just used whippersnapper!?!?)

We were creative, ingenuity, energetic… we had different ways on how to get things done. Our ideas were novel and exciting, and people wanted to lead AND follow us. We started to be invited to all the meetings and were in the rooms where it happened. (Nod to Hamilton.)

When I look back on it now, what I experienced that day had nothing to do with me.

It was fear, out of losing relevance.
Intimidation, rather than intelligence dialogue.
Command and control, instead of listening and influence.

So what I started to wonder is when do you start to lose that… Your influence, your relevance or your power as a leader?

When does it start to affect your confidence?

When does the insecurity become SO great that it outweighs your ability to be effective? Is it an age thing?

Let’s explore.

I am 42.

The proper age for a midlife crisis, is what I tell most people, experienced enough to be able to handle most anything that comes my way.

But over the last couple years, I can feel the energy waning. I still have my resolve, but I feel myself struggling to remain relevant. I look at my daughters, and I think more of what I can teach THEM the skills to carry-on, rather than to do it myself.

I wait just a little bit longer for those moments where creative thoughts will flood my brain. And if I’m being honest, I am burning more energy in to keep up with the trends I’m seeing.

So how do we build it? How do we try to find common ground when working through an issue?

When I boil it down, it is not necessarily the mass consumption of information— but how you build a team/ coalition around you to bring the best/ new ideas forward.

Inclusion > Understanding > Relevance > the room where it happens.

This will always continue to evolve and change, but one thing is certain… as I observed through my daughter’s remote science lesson last week.

She was learning about magnets and forces, opposing forces, balancing forces and the push and pull. And I thought this concept is exactly what happens in organizations.

When you start to lose relevance and use force - you repel away the very thing you are trying to attract.

And then randomly, I saw one of these things— do you remember them?

I’m pretty sure the name, Chinese finger trap, is somehow rooted in some type of cultural appropriation, so I’ll just call them the”pulley-finger thingys.”

They were a mainstay in all of the goody bags back in the day—along with cheap-used-to-be-squishy-now-hard-candy and maybe a spinning top.

But it is kind of a perfect metaphor for what I see as professionals climb the Corporate ladder ….they are awesome individual contributors, then become great seasoned collaborators, then leaders.

And then there is the tipping point in which they get stuck in this finger pulley thingy. Whether it is competition or fear of the unknown (prob both), they start to resist and get stuck, and start to become less relevant in their circles.

The one way to combat this— a lesson learned from a woman in her 60’s who was at a retreat I went to.

I was a group of 6 strangers who decided that walking across a log 30 feet up would be a good idea. When asked, “why do you want to do this?”

She said, “I want to keep doing age-inappropriate things for as long as I can.”

She made it. I made it. In fact, we all did.

Start with your personal stuff. Take an art class. Try Tik Tok with your kid. Do something that makes you feel dumb, awkward and stupid that you know you will never be good at.

I promise you, that kind of vulnerability and risk-taking, will translate over to your professional life, and keep you open to new ideas, ways of influencing and hopefully— staying relevant.

We are in such a time of flux, innovation and change. If you can, lean into it— you might learn something new.

Friends, Be Well, Stay Well.

Wear a Mask— and get your flu shot.

Jean